woke up in the middle of the night last night to a needy, loud kitty and an anxiety attack.
toby was desperate to be let into my room, only to roam around for 5 minutes and then commence yowling at the door to be let out. dumb cat.
i have a 13 hour day today. teaching, a resume writing seminar, and my research methods class. oh, the joys of graduate school! i'm gearing myself up for it, wearing my comfiest skirt and pumping myself full of protein for breakfast, but last night, when i laid in bed and tried to control my breathing, i was not so confident.
panic attacks are the worst thing. all rationality flies out the window and you watch yourself fall down into this pit, where the walls are slick with mud and grime and you can't get a hold to lift yourself out. i'm a logical, reasonable person, but when i'm struck by anxiety, i am a child. i stared at the ceiling in the dark last night and listened to myself say all variety of negative things - that i was terrible at my job, that i would never get to the end of my endless to-do list, that i would drive away everyone i loved with my dedication to this task. beating myself about the head for an hour until i was finally able to stop whimpering and fall back into an uneasy sleep.
this morning, i do not feel rested.
toby was desperate to be let into my room, only to roam around for 5 minutes and then commence yowling at the door to be let out. dumb cat.
i have a 13 hour day today. teaching, a resume writing seminar, and my research methods class. oh, the joys of graduate school! i'm gearing myself up for it, wearing my comfiest skirt and pumping myself full of protein for breakfast, but last night, when i laid in bed and tried to control my breathing, i was not so confident.
panic attacks are the worst thing. all rationality flies out the window and you watch yourself fall down into this pit, where the walls are slick with mud and grime and you can't get a hold to lift yourself out. i'm a logical, reasonable person, but when i'm struck by anxiety, i am a child. i stared at the ceiling in the dark last night and listened to myself say all variety of negative things - that i was terrible at my job, that i would never get to the end of my endless to-do list, that i would drive away everyone i loved with my dedication to this task. beating myself about the head for an hour until i was finally able to stop whimpering and fall back into an uneasy sleep.
this morning, i do not feel rested.
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