i've finally come to terms with the fact that i am an early morning worker. i get up at 6, i'm out of the house by 7, and that leaves me 3 solid hours to work and research and write.
today, i familiarized myself with ancient greek burial rituals. i'm actually excited to teach such a dark and gloomy lesson today - odysseus descends into the land of the dead, coming face to face with his own fears. i think the kids will get really into the melancholic nature of the reading.
slowly, surely, i am coming to understand myself. there are still difficulties, though: when the actions only effect me, i have no problem changing my behavior. case in point, my work schedule. i spent so many nights kicking myself, wondering why i was so unmotivated, why i felt so tired i could vomit...but as soon as i started going to bed early and waking up early, i felt better, and more complete.
when it comes to actions or desires that effect or involve another person, though, i am still reticent to speak up. i still sit, fester, and stew in my discomfort because i am too afraid to say what i want. that i want to be engaged with conversationally. that i want to feel important. that i want the trivial minutia that passes through my mind to be given voice, and a nominal level of importance.
sometimes i don't feel like i'm worthy of speech, because there are so few people who make me feel worthy of it. so often i feel dumb when i open my mouth - or rather, that i should be struck dumb, and not have to concern myself with the anxiety of speaking.
nice things to have running through my head when i'm about to go speak in front of teenagers. thanks, brain!
today, i familiarized myself with ancient greek burial rituals. i'm actually excited to teach such a dark and gloomy lesson today - odysseus descends into the land of the dead, coming face to face with his own fears. i think the kids will get really into the melancholic nature of the reading.
slowly, surely, i am coming to understand myself. there are still difficulties, though: when the actions only effect me, i have no problem changing my behavior. case in point, my work schedule. i spent so many nights kicking myself, wondering why i was so unmotivated, why i felt so tired i could vomit...but as soon as i started going to bed early and waking up early, i felt better, and more complete.
when it comes to actions or desires that effect or involve another person, though, i am still reticent to speak up. i still sit, fester, and stew in my discomfort because i am too afraid to say what i want. that i want to be engaged with conversationally. that i want to feel important. that i want the trivial minutia that passes through my mind to be given voice, and a nominal level of importance.
sometimes i don't feel like i'm worthy of speech, because there are so few people who make me feel worthy of it. so often i feel dumb when i open my mouth - or rather, that i should be struck dumb, and not have to concern myself with the anxiety of speaking.
nice things to have running through my head when i'm about to go speak in front of teenagers. thanks, brain!
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