hold fast, the last of the true.  a friendly reminder.

i got hit with a bit of bad news last night.  after doing my taxes, i found out that the grant money i've been receiving from the university over the past 5 months is being counted as income, and with that, i am no longer eligible for my tuition waiver through Cal Vet.

i haven't had a paycheck since July.  the piddly grant checks I get every 10 weeks are all i have to survive.  i've been living in abject poverty, shopping second hand, spending nearly everything i have to put gas in my car, and this is what i'm left with.

if i want to finish my master's, i'll have to either pay out of pocket, or take out student loans for the entire cost of tuition.  i feel sick to my stomach just thinking of it.  i don't understand how they can count grant money as income.  i could not have opted out of receiving that money even if i wanted to, even if i had known in august that it would come to this.  i feel duped, and it's making it hard to get motivated to go to work today.  i bust my ass for nothing, not a cent, only for the betterment of myself and the intellectual advancement of 70 14-year-old kids.  the school i work for is damn lucky i love what i do so much.

J told me last night not to worry about things until i've gone and talked to a counselor at the Cal Vet office.  i'll be doing that today, though i'm nearly sure that there is nothing to be done.  still, i'm taking deep breaths and trying not to panic.  i have more important and immediate things to worry about.

speaking of J, he has a job interview today at his first choice place of employment.  every ounce of extra energy i have is focused on sending good vibes into the big blue, hoping and hoping and hoping that he gets the job.  it would be so wonderful to have some kind of paycheck coming in.

good luck to him, and good luck to me.  today is a day when we both kinda need it.