i am absolutely miserable today.

he's not even gone and i already miss him.

it's so strange, my habits are already changing.  i went to the MU to get coffee and now i'm sitting outside at the table I used to occupy fall quarter, before everything changed.  i can't stomach the sight of certain buildings today.

i'm well aware that this is a cognitive error, that we will be friends despite distance and time.  a few states between us can't change the friendship; i won't let it.  part of me wants to throw an epic tantrum, stomp my feet and pull my hair out but it would be so much easier just to smile.  tell myself nothing will change, because i know nothing will change.  i don't need someone in my day-to-day to have them be a part of my life.

but still.  knowing that the option isn't there to walk into my favorite coffee shop and see him studying there makes my chest hurt.  and i know, i know a new reality will emerge wherein these days are memories, happy but firmly in my mind, but until that happens i can only see a future full of holes where love used to live.

don't say goodbye like you're burying him

cos the world is round and he might return.