everything was all at once

terrible and good

because he was a mountain that you tried to climb barefoot

and when you reached the top you couldn't

see the air

with all the blood on the ground, all the blood in your hair that he wiped away

with a finger and a concerned look

it was terrible because there was a fire and you couldn't save your dog

it was barking in the bedroom but the hallway was full of smoke

and you couldn't breathe well enough to move

so you just lay in the grass and watched the

world burn down

you just lay in the sand and watched yourself drown and

isn't it lovely how the sky looks so murky when viewed through

rippling green waters that would have been cause for celebration

if they weren't the thing that made you go blind

in the first place

so you try to rub the dirt from your eyes,

you try to write a letter,

you tie a string around your finger to keep you from forgetting

but there is more dirt under your nails and

all the paper turned to ash

and it doesn't matter because by the time the knot is done

you've already forgotten what you'd woken up for in the first place