sometimes.

sometimes i'll be walking through campus and i'll see someone who, from behind, looks very much like him and then i'll remember and it will hit me like a sack of bricks, and my stomach will turn and i'll choke on my words and be somewhere close to tears, because i'll remember that i am here living in the absence and there is nothing more wicked in this world than being reminded of that.

stop reminding me.  can't you see i'm trying to be happy?

i am avoiding the places that we used to meet because i don't want to see them without you there.  does that make me strange?  maybe.  but it makes it easier to forget.

oh, world.  go easy on me.  

in 10 minutes I will walk to campus and study for my final.

in 10 minutes I will walk to campus and study for my final.

in 10 minutes I will walk to campus and study for my final.

in 10 minutes I will walk to campus and study for my final.

in 10 minutes I will walk to campus and study for my final.

blech.  one more cup of coffee first.  

note to self...don't drink the night before an exam.  hangovers are not conducive to good studying.

good morning, all you pretty things. <3

after being inspired by my darling teresa's list of things she loves, i thought i might do the same.  nothing starts the day off better than thinking of happy things, instead of the intense string of nightmares i had last night.

(t, are we living a double life?  we both have nightmares, we both love things, we both miss eachother...i think we might be the same person in different bodies...)

I LOVE

iced coffee with raw sugar and soy

menthol cigarettes

my macbook and iphone

skinny jeans

finding shoes at goodwill that fit me (two pair, last week!)

thrifting 90% of my closet and having no shame in the fact

dresses that remind me of my childhood

fashion blogs

blogs in general

irish literature/music/film/people (i'm in a current state of constant lust for The Pogues and Flogging Molly, even though FM is a sort of main-stream version of Irish punk.)

my job at Starbucks and my new location

my car

my lovely besties, angela and jennifer, who have my back through everything

missing him in the best sort of way

late night FB chats

bangs (and haircuts in general)

feeling sustainable

delta of venus

my fall 2009 school schedule

my new roommates and my tiny, loved, not yet lived in loft

smiling

dave matthews 

phew!  now, when you think about it, that's a WHOLE lot of happy balancing out all the ugly in the world.  can't help but grin when i think about it.  things can go to shit, the whole world can go to hell in a hand basket but if I'm wearing a cute dress walking through downtown Davis with "#40" playing on my headphones, i can do nothing more but laugh and dance because life is so goddamned beautiful it hurts.

hello everyone!!

it's only five and so far I've:

• spent an awesome two hours climbing with Lundy, getting back into the groove of the harness. my hands are chapped and chalky and my shoulders ache, but damn, it felt so good to be working out! climbing has always been the only sport i can tolerate and i can definitely see myself becoming a regular of The Rocknasium in Davis. the staff there was incredibly friendly and though slightly small, the gym has a good variety when it comes to difficulty. next time, bouldering!
• caught up with my indiana buddy. i'm so glad to hear that his impromptu vacation went well and that everything is right on track for him!
• gone shopping. it's funny how a year ago, i would have turned my nose up at even a sale rack in Macy's. now, goodwill is the only place i really shop. i got three new dresses and two tops for what one dress in a regular store would have cost. funny how the little things make me so happy. :-) i have no money, so i've stopped caring and now i just have fun thrifting!

now, i'm at Angela's in Sacramento on my second beer, eating fresh baked cookies and waiting for her to come home. Much love to everyone in the universe. I hope you all are as happy as I!

oh happy day!

many thanks to harriet for selecting me as the winner of her giveaway!  i'm now the proud owner of this gorgeous Moyna clutch:

I thought it was really cute when I saw it on her blog, but I didn't realize that it cost (*Gasp!*) 159$!  When you're having to scrounge for enough cash to buy gas every two weeks, a prize like that makes you feel pretty good..

So, thanks again Harriet!  

Today is going to be a lovely day, if not just for the fact that I have NO SCHOOL.  I can't take much more of Morton's monotone ramblings.  He confuses himself, even, which makes me highly doubt his abilities.  Yesterday, we're sitting and he's rambling, as per usual, and after about 20 minutes he stops, looks up, and says, "Wait, what happened?  How did we even get here?"  He's incapable of staying on track which means I'm incapable of staying off Facebook ;-)

But really, a fabulous day because I'm going rock climbing with Mr. Lundy (who despite having never actually been my teacher, cannot go by any other name).  Then, it's off to Sacramento for Game Night at Angela's place.  We ransacked the Goodwill yesterday and got a bunch of old school boardgames.  Hi Ho Cherrio, Candyland, Pictionary...I'm so excited!

I hope you all have a good day as well!

  

this post coming to your from the lovely harriet in an attempt to win the clutch she's giving away on her blog.

cheers!